“Tom Ballard looks like an enormous baby: we should use him to ween paedophiles off children.”

When Jimmy Carr delivered that line at the Just For Laughs Festival in Montreal in July 2015, the drunken crowd erupted in gasping laughter. Jimmy and I were facing off in the Roast Battle, a one-on-one competition in which two comics go head-to-head, inflicting brutal jibes upon one another for entertainment. The line made me double over. It’s horrific, yes – but it’s also a bit true. I do look like a giant baby. That’s why it was funny.

I tried to give as good as I got: “Jimmy Carr’s mother died in 2001. She died of pancreatic cancer and yet Jimmy’s still not considered ‘side-splitting’.”

The crowd groaned and looked at me like I was a reprehensible human being. But they also laughed. Hard.

Read the full thing here.

The 3rd #OneNightStan original comedy special is the brilliant @TomCBallard The World Keeps Happening – Friday 7th April. Only on Stan. pic.twitter.com/6hmHAkqIsD

— Stan. (@StanAustralia) April 3, 2017

I’ll be guest hosting The J Files on Double J as they explore the best comedy songs ever, from Tenacious D to Monty Python to Tripod to Sarah Silverman.

It’ll be a great listen. Check it out on Thursday March 30th from 8pm.

My 2017 stand up show is called Problematic.

It’s a funny show about whether anything can be funny anymore.

I’d bloody love you to come along to it. Please? Thanks.

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PERTH (WORK IN PROGRESS): TUESDAY JAN 31st – SUNDAY FEB 5th @ LAKSA LOUNGE, NOODLE PALACE

All tickets $26, available here. Please note this is a WORK IN PROGRESS; there will be notes, pauses and mistakes. But also the thrill of seeing something piping hot and fresh and emerge from a cocoon as a beautiful butterfly.

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ADELAIDE: FRIDAY FEB 17th – SUNDAY 26th (9 SHOWS) @ THE CORONA THEATRE, THE GARDEN OF UNEARTHLY DELIGHTS

8:15pm. Tickets from $27 – $35, available here.

AUSLAN interpreted Wednesday 22nd.

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HOBART: WEDNESDAY MARCH 15th @ THE SPIEGELTENT (ONE SHOW ONLY) 

For Hobart’s Ten Days On The Island. 7pm.

Full $38, Concession $30. Tickets available here.

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BRISBANE: TUESDAY MARCH 21st – SUNDAY 26th (6 SHOWS) @ THE VISY THEATRE 

8:15pm (7pm Sunday). Tickets from $25 – $35, available here.

AUSLAN interpreted Wednesday 22nd.

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MELBOURNE: THURSDAY MARCH 30th – SUNDAY APRIL 23rd @ THE SUPPER ROOM, MELBOURNE TOWN HALL 

7pm (6pm Sundays). Tickets from $24 – $34, available here.

AUSLAN interpreted Wednesday 12th April.

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SYDNEY: THURSDAY MAY 4th – SUNDAY MAY 7th @ GIANT DWARF THEATRE 

9:30pm (8:30pm Sunday). Tickets $27, available here.

AUSLAN interpreted Sunday May 7th.

I wrote a piece for this sweet comedy edition of the always-brilliant Big Issue.

You can find out more here. Buy it from your local vendors when you see them around please!

Great news! I wrote a little piece about QLD (finally) abolishing the “gay panic” defence, thanks to the tireless work of Father Paul Kelly. Please read it here.

I’m guest hosting this! Should be a fascinating discussion. Find out more here, tune in live and have your say.