Very proud of the Strayan comedy community today. 100 comics have leant their names to this open letter calling for the government to not deport 267 people seeking asylum (including 37 babies) from Australia.

Dear Rich White Men Who Are In Charge Of Things,

We the undersigned are professional dickheads. Between us, we have decades of experience in getting away with making people laugh and acting like it’s a respectable living. We say swears and we talk about genitals and farts and Facebook and first world problems and we wear silly costumes and shout our opinions at drunken hecklers in pubs and bars and tents across this great nation.

We ain’t no high-falutin’ city lawyers. We don’t know heaps about the constitution or the intricate details of the Migration Act or international conventions on human rights.

Indeed, many of us often fail to use the English words good and stuff.

But we know when something isn’t funny. At one time or another we’ve all delivered a line that we think is SOLID GOLD, only to be met with deafening silence. This is known as “bombing” or “comic death”. It is the worst possible experience for a comedian. Bombing elicits a sudden and powerful sensation of overwhelming dread and shame. It immediately compels you to reconsider all of your life choices and makes you want to go home and curl up into a little ball and nuzzle a bottle of wine and cry.

To us, the idea of deporting vulnerable people seeking asylum to Nauru to face the very things they sought protection from is a really, really bad joke. Like, no good. At all. We understand that the recent decision by the High Court technically makes this sort of thing legal, but that doesn’t mean it’s worth pursuing. Other things that are legal include smoking and wearing Crocs.

Come on, bros: we’re talking about 37 babies here. You politicians are supposed to kiss babies, not deport them.

As people who wear our hearts on our sleeve and who are often cynical about most things, we’re appealing to your decency and your humanity and asking you to let these people remain in Australia. Here in the community they can receive the support they need, begin to rebuild their lives and hey, maybe even come on down to a comedy show to laugh their cares away.

Yes, it is a super sticky area of public policy. But even we professional dickheads can see this isn’t the way to go about it.

Trust us, Prime Minister Turnbull and Minister Dutton – there’s nothing funny about this shemozzle.

Please get to work on some new material ASAP.

We say: #LetThemStay.

Was proud to be part of this group at Flinders Street station today to say #LetThemStay in response to this High Court decision.

I ain’t no fancy city lawyer, but I’d suggest that sending 37 babies off to a prison camp renowned for poor facilities, sexual assault and abuse is a BAD BAD THING.

Monday is a national day of action around the #LetThemStay campaign; find out more on the GetUp! Facebook page.

This will be grand old fun and is kind of important. Find out more at proudest100.com

I’m performing this super-special comedy event at the 2016 Melbourne Comedy Festival (alongside my stand up show The World Keeps Happening).

It’s being presented with the help of the Moosehead Awards and I think it’s going to be really different and cool.

11 PERFORMANCES ONLY. 

Here’s the hot spiel:

 

Australia has a complicated history with boats. They’ve brought us disease, trade, cane toads, the America’s Cup and Water Rats.

Oh – and people.

And fear. HEAPS of fear.

Award-winning comedian and occasional Tony Jones Tom Ballard (The Project) presents a comedic exploration of Australia’s fucked up immigration situation.

From our racist Federation to Tampa to Johnny Depp’s dogs, this show will make you piss yourself and cry so much the venue will be considered an “on-water matter”.

As seen on Q&A. As heard on triple j.

Directed by Scott Edgar.

 

TRADES HALL, NEW BALLROOM

SATURDAYS @ 5:15pm (March 26, April 2 & April 16)

SATURDAY April 9th @ 5:45pm

SUNDAYS @ 4:15pm (March 27, April 3, April 10 & April 17)

MELBOURNE TOWN HALL, SUPPER ROOM 

MONDAYS @ 8:15pm (March 28, April 4 & April 11)

70 minutes

$22 Preview (26, 27 & 28 Mar)    |    $27.50 Adult    |    $22 Concession

AUSLAN-INTERPRETED SHOW SUNDAY APRIL 3RD 

TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE

I just voted in triple j’s Hottest 100 of 2015 and it made me real happy, particularly the bit at the end where I chipped in some bucks to AIME.

Good music AND supporting an Indigenous education program??? FUCK YES.

Behold my personal favourites of the year…

COURTNEY BARNETT – DEPRESTON 

BULLY – TRYING

BASENJI – CAN’T GET ENOUGH 

SUFJAN STEVENS – THE ONLY THING 

KATE TEMPEST – EUROPE IS LOST 

MY MORNING JACKET – COMPOUND FRACTURE 

GANG OF YOUTHS – MAGNOLIA 

SKRILLEX AND DIPLO – WHERE ARE U NOW? (WITH JUSTIN BIEBER) 

DARREN HANLON – TRUST YOUR FEELINGS (WHEN YOU WAKE)

TAME IMPALA – THE LESS I KNOW THE BETTER

This is something I’ve been working on for a while but have had to keep it on the DL because of intense security concerns. It’s a radio investigation I’ve put together for ABC Radio National.

In the mid-1990s, the US Air Force considered investing $7.5 million in the development of a ‘Gay Bomb’—a chemical weapon designed to alter the enemy’s sexual orientation.

When out-and-proud comedian Tom Ballard saw this story being referenced on one of his favourite TV shows, he thought it was hilarious. When he found out that it actually happened, he was gobsmacked.

So Tom decides to do some digging… and finds out a lot more than he bargained for.

After finally receiving security clearance from the very highest echelons of the American military, he can now officially bring you this unbelievable story: a story of political intrigue, secrets, betrayal, death and sex; a story that proves once and for all that truth is always stranger than fiction.

 

Listen and have your mind blown here.

This gig will be great! And is for an awesome cause! So please go! GO I SAY! GOOOOOO!

Tickets are available here.

Go!